Not everything is Disney’s fault
So, this is the thing. Every time I am introduced to someone it goes
something like this:
Me: Hi! Nice to meet you.
Anyone: Nice to meet you too. Are you married?
(Seriously!!!!! Like your marital status is the most important thing
about you. Not only that, whenever I see someone that I haven’t seen in a long
time, the conversation goes “Are you married yet?” or “Did you finally get
married?” (I’m almost 40, you see).
Part II.
Me: No, I’m still single.
Anyone: (sigh) Oh well! (followed by the universal look of
pity/sadness/compassion…fill in the blank).
And the cherry on top…
Anyone: Don’t worry, you will find someone soon.
At this point
I’m looking dangerously like the Vesuvius about to bury Pompeii and I am
fighting hard to control a homicidal impulse. So I just change the topic and
think to myself that it is not strange that I have lost most of my desire to
socialize these days.
You may have
heard (repeatedly) that we are to blame Disney and his promotion of “princess
waiting for prince charming” stereotype for false hopes and shattered dreams
regarding romantic relationships, or in other words, for shaping our vision of
life in an unrealistic way making us think we could get a prince when what we
are most likely to get is, well, the frog. Don’t get me wrong, frogs can be lovely, but
they’re no princes.
I manage to
see the point in these accusations, but what I would really like to know is who
is to blame for the “other illusion”, namely that a woman’s only chance to
fulfillment and bliss is to be married and have kids. (Enter the sad and pitiful look if you are not among the “blessedly”
married-with-kids ones.)
I would love
to have a kid, but as for marriage…Let’s just say it is not part of my fantasy.
It never was. I honestly (cross my heart) never dreamed of a church, bells and
flowers, nor a white dress or a husband. I never had a dream where I was Mrs.
Prince Charming or Mrs. Frog. I’m simply not the marrying kind and that’s fine
with me.
The problem
is, it seems I’m the only one who’s fine with it because strangers and
acquaintances definitely sense something’s just not right with this picture…Especially other women! Most of the time I think they are so fixated about
my couplessness because they are
envious, plain and simple. They must think: “Well, if I have to put up with all
this, why do you get a free
pass?”. Even if they’re not thinking it,
they certainly look like they are.
But deep down
I know there’s more. There is this
socially accepted “truth” that women achieve happiness through childbirth and
marriage. It is a woman’s role, a woman’s task, a woman’s gift, her woman’s
destiny, hell…. It is a woman’s “nature”!!!! Blame it on nature!?! Genius! So, of course
they’re sad and compassionate, your nature is out of tune, meaning that you are
likely damaged.
The very well
known explanation for this social setting is the distribution of work: males have
the productive role, females the reproductive one. Fine, we know that. But
hello!!!!! It’s not like humankind is an endangered species anymore, we could
actually benefit from a pause in reproduction.
However, when
I have these conversations with other women (or they have them with me) I can’t
help but to think on a different version of that explanation: one fine day,
there was a guy who –presented with the puzzle of coexistence between woman and
man- came up with a brilliant solution! “Let’s set separate roles for males and
females: we produce, they reproduce”, said the founder of human society. It
could not have worked without a brilliant marketing strategy too: the miracle
of life creation is a gift of (for?) females, a wonder of nature and whoever
has that gift and does not use it has to be crazy right? To other women, who
actually know the real cost of using their gift and decide not to, you’re a
bitch.
To all those
women who pretend to pity you because you’re single: envy is a capital sin,
you’re all going to hell.
And to the “founder” of this brilliant idea and all your followers….I am
coming for you!!!!!!
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